Good Man in the Storm
by masked-spangler
Summary: Post 4.10, deals with rape. Charlotte is heading for a breakdown, and Cooper needs to learn how to be the good man in the storm.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Watching 4.10, I had to respond to the Cooper/Charlotte situation and see where it took me :) This is NOT connected to my other fic series. I am going AU, but from a different angle, from 4.10 onward. Hope you enjoy!_

Good Man in the Storm

"Baby, I'm sorry. Come on, just please come out already? I'm so, so sorry, Char, come on..."

She's tuned him out. His pleas lost their intensity about five repetitions ago, so she checked out of it then, tried to focus on her breathing, get things back under control. It's taking more effort than she thought it would. She can't stop shaking, and the sound of his voice is just making it worse, but the thought of facing him to tell him that now makes her ill and so she just huddles there, shivering, and wills him to go away. And finally, he does, that turncoat boy of hers. Just gives up and goes, and part of her is so relieved she wants to cry again, and part of her is so angry she wants to smack him.

"Huh," a voice says. "Son of a bitch, that one, ain't he?"

She looks up, sees those eyes, that beard, that presence. Nearly loses it again. "Big Daddy?"

"Hey, baby girl."

"But..."

"Now, none of that. Come on, buck up, you'll have to go out there sooner or later. Before you do though, I'd best set that boy of yours straight, hadn't I?"

"I..."

"Now, you just sit tight, baby girl. I'll be back in a jiffy."

And he walks out, straight through that wall, and he starts yelling.

"Now, you listen here, Mister Man. You got no call raising your voice to people, you hear me? That's not how the good man in the storm treats his missus, you hear? That's my baby girl in there, and she's a precious flower, you understand that, boy? So man up, and be there for her!"

It goes on a little, but she's so tired. The words blur together, but she remains aware, even as she drifts off, that she's hearing them, and the yelling-on her behalf, this time-is a balm on her battered soul. That voice, his voice, being there for her, it lulls her at last into a restless sleep.

She wakes up and she's in bed somehow, but she's still shivering. Her head is pounding, and when she scrunches shut her eyes to stem the pain, all she can see are blurry images coming at her too fast to let her breathe. Damn. Last thing she needs is for Coop to wake up and see her this way again...

"Well, why shouldn't he see?" Big Daddy asks her. "This mess ain't all on you, is it? Told that boy he shouldn't have shouted. Now, look here, baby girl, this isn't all on you."

Her lip trembles. She is afraid, and she doesn't know if she can stop the tears...

Big Daddy sighs. "All right, if this is how you want to play it. Let's see if we can work this through before you wake him. Deep breaths, baby girl. Come on."

He talks her through it. Gets that edge of panic dulled just enough that she although she senses Cooper stir beside her, he turns over again and falls back to sleep without waking.

She exhales, relieved, and Big Daddy sighs again. "Damn it, baby girl. I can see we got work to do."

At breakfast, she doesn't talk to him. He says something, and she nods, but she isn't talking. Big Daddy had joined them at the table just as Coop was dishing out his atonement breakfast, pancakes with syrup, and sausages, and orange juice. She smiles, and she nods, but she doesn't talk. Big Daddy's still on a roll, and it's so much easier to just let him do the answering...

"So, I know you have this budget meeting," Coop is saying, all casual, just like he never yelled at her. "I can drop you off on my way to work, if you want to."

"Course she wants to," Big Daddy says. "Last thing she needs is to spend the day at that practice of hers, with the likes of you to check in on things."

"I can meet you for lunch though. Say, noon-ish?"

"There some other time people lunch around here?" Big Daddy asks.

"We can go to that place you like, with the buffalo caesar salad..."

"Still feeling guilty, are ya?" Big Daddy smirks. Then, to her, he says "I'd go for steak if it was me, but fine. You want to lunch on salads with this lunk?"

She shrugs, nods her head. It satisfies both of them. She gets out the door without any further talking.

She comes to the practice after the budget meeting, sees Violet, sees Addison. Does the big smiles, those two seem to bring that out in her. She sees Amelia and almost confesses that she'd kill for a drink or something, but she bites her lip, gets on with things. Big Daddy trails behind her, offering his usual insightful commentary.

"Charts? That all you came in in here for?"

She shrugs, nods. And he keeps talking. "Though I suppose you don't rightly have the time to keep this place more than just a moonlight. Guess it raises your profile some, having this affiliation. Makes it worth the hours you must put in. Two jobs, baby girl. Not sure how you do it, though I'm betting you welcome the distraction right about now."

More work brings more people her way though, there is that downside. She smiles through an overly cheerful hello with Sheldon, then another one with Pete, who keeps looking at her like he knows all her secrets. She rounds back to her office, closes the door and at last, takes a breath.

He's still there, watching her.

"Big Daddy?"

"Yes, baby girl."

"You gonna be here long?"

"Haven't rightly put a date on it, if that's what you're askin. I was needed, I came. Like any daddy worth his salt would do."

"Only thing is, this particular daddy that I personally have...he passed on, see."

"I know that, baby girl. I was there. Come to think of it, so was that boy of yours, wasn't he?"

"He was."

"Did right by you, as I recall."

"He did."

"Well, that's something, I guess. Suppose I should apologize for the names I called him when I yelled at him yesterday."

"Oh, he deserved it."

"That he did, baby girl, that he did. That boy of yours, right by you thought he may be, he needs a few lessons about being the good man in the storm."

"Reckon I need a few lessons about being the girl who sent him out there."

"Reckon you've had all the lessons you need. You have to understand, baby girl, this isn't on you."

"So people keep telling me. And yet..."

"And yet you're still hurting. I know you are."

"Reckon all of them know it, too."

"So, here's what you do, you got two choices. Choice one, you pick one of 'em, you let 'em in on this. Don't need that whole motley lot knowing your business, so you choose one."

She winces. "And choice two?"

"Take some pills. Dull the pain until it don't hurt so bad."

That, finally, is what sends her over the edge. She's come so far without going that way, and now he's gonna be the one to send her there? Unacceptable. But what can she do? She has to do something. What can she do? She closes her eyes, clenches her fists, bangs her head against the wall. And starts screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

There are voices, too many of them, and she scrunches shut her eyes, tries to block them. There is a hand on her, and she thrashes away from it instinctively, bumps straight into a different hand, another hand, reaching out for her. Another voice yelling her name.

She's dizzy, and she backs away again, and there is Cooper, she recognizes his smell. But she can't do this now. When she feels his hand on her arm she screams again and lashes out with all she has in her.

"Hey!" One voice, rising above the other ones. Sheldon, she thinks. That's good. She can do Sheldon.

"Okay, okay, clear out, let's give her space..."

She hears Cooper say something. She hears Sheldon answer back. Hears the clomp of high heels and dress loafers and sneakers creeping away. Hears the silence, the blessed welcome silence rain over her for a second before Sheldon speaks again.

"All right, Charlotte. We're alone now."

She stills, opens her eyes- but carefully. Verifying. And he's right, it's just them in here.

He sits, taps the spot beside him. "Can you sit with me?"

She takes a deep, shaky breath. "Don't touch me."

"I won't. Just sit with me, will you? It's okay. Let's just sit for a minute."

She sits, draws up her knees. Lets her head rest on them. She can talk to Sheldon, but she isn't sure she can look at him too...

"So," Sheldon says after a moment. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"He said something. Didn't like hearing it."

"Who said something, Charlotte?"

She hesitates. "Am I a patient right now?"

"You want to be?"

"Hell yes, full rights, confidentiality, all that. You can't say anything."

"Of course."

"And when it's done, you forget we ever talked about this."

"Come on, Charlotte. This is me you're talking to. Give me some credit."

"You're right. Of course, you're right. Question?"

"All right..."

"Are there certain things that automatically say 'crazy' to your type?"

"I'm going to need some context here."

"I'm just wondering. Cause maybe something happened that some other time I might say is crazy, but today it didn't seem that way. Well, until he said something that set me off a little, anyway. Then I started worrying that maybe it wasn't safe, like I thought it was, and..."

"Charlotte. Context."

"Right. Coop yelled at me, yesterday, bad enough to...well, he yelled. And I guess I just needed someone to...I don't know. I needed someone. And he came. My daddy came. Thing is, he's been dead going on two years..."

"And was he with you again today, Charlotte? Before you started screaming?"

"He was. And I thought he was supposed to help me, you know, talk me through some of this. But then he started talking about the pills..."

He's quiet for a moment.

"Okay," Sheldon finally says. "There's a lot going on here."

"Including me being crazy?"

He smiles gently. "No. You're not crazy. Lacking in coping skills, maybe. But not crazy."

"Well, there's that, I guess." She tries to smile too. "So, what now?"

"Well, why don't you tell me?"

"I know what you're gonna say. That I need to tell Coop about this."

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Stop doing that! Just tell me what you want from me."

"Well, I think this is actually part of your problem. You're worrying a little too much about what other people want. The cliches? The smiling?"

"Coop needs me to be okay."

"But you're not okay."

"He needs me to be."

"But you're not. And you may think that you're fooling him, by pretending, but he sees it, Charlotte, and that's probably why he yelled at you. He's trying to work through this too. And he feels like you're not working through it with him, because you're so wrapped up in pretending that you don't need to be."

"You know, Big Daddy said Coop was the one needing lessons here. Said I was off the hook, because of what happened."

"Well, maybe you're off the hook as far as blame goes. But Charlotte, you're not off the hook as far as life goes. And if you want yours back again, you need to start dealing with this."

"Coop needs me to be okay."

"No. He needs you to be you. Even if right now, that's a different, hurting you. He needs to see that you're in there somewhere, trying to get back to him."

"What if I can't?"

"Can't what?"

"Can't get back. What then?"

"Let's just take this one step at a time."

"No, that's not good enough. I need an answer, Sheldon. I need someone to tell me what to do!"

"So you conjured up your dead father? Cause you knew he'd give you that answer, and then you could just check out and not have to worry about this?"

"Damn it, Sheldon!"

"You asked. I'm telling you. Look, something I should probably disclose before we go any further. He came to me, Charlotte. Wanted to talk a little."

"What?"

"And I was about to suggest that I refer you out to avoid any conflict. Violet, or someone else if you'd rather. But actually, I think the two of you would benefit from coming in together on this. Couples therapy. And, although I do want to emphasize that I don't think you're crazy, I also think it needs to be said that this therapy should not be coming from your daddy, you understand?"

"Do I...do I have to tell Coop about this? About Big Daddy coming in on me?"

"Not if you don't want to. But here's one thing you can do. If he comes back again and says something to Cooper, I want you to tell him what it is."

"What, just repeat it back to Coop when Daddy says it?"

"Yes."

"He won't like it. Big Daddy has a mouth."

"He'll manage. Charlotte, you'll tell me? If he comes back?"

"What, so you can add up the points in your crazy book?"

"You know it doesn't work that way."

"I need to know that he won't leave me. Sheldon, if he knows I'm not okay..."

"He knows he wants you to be. And he knows that you need to work through this to get there. He loves you, Charlotte."

"Not sure I'm very lovable right now."

"Not sure he is either," Sheldon says.

And she smiles, her first genuine smile in days. There's truth in that. Lord help her, there's truth in that, and it's the truth she needed to hear.


	3. Chapter 3

_Note: Thank you so much for the feedback thus far! I realize this story might not be everyone's cup of tea, but the muse has struck and I am going with it! I'll be upping the angst-o-meter a little for the next few bits, but I promise you a happy-ish ending :) Thanks for reading._

Part 3

In the car, she finally talks to him.

"Coop?"

"Yes, baby."

"You want some truth?"

His eyes sharpen, and he nods, his hands waffling a little on the steering wheel.

"I'm not okay," she says. "I've been saying I am. But I am deeply not."

He gulps, nods, stops the car on the shoulder. Waits for her to finish.

"And I'm still not sure Sheldon's right that I should tell you. But what we're doing clearly isn't working, for either of us, and I can't have you yell again, Coop, I just can't have it."

"Baby, I'm so, so sorry about that."

"And I'm gonna do a big ask here. I'm gonna ask you to trust me. Trust me, Coop, that even if it takes awhile, I can come back from this. And promise me you won't leave me until I prove that, and it's done."

He frowns. "Is that what you're worried about? That I'll leave you?"

"Among many things I'm worrying about right now."

"Charlotte, I love you. I'm not..."

"No, you love her. From before. The me I was. You don't love this."

"Okay, fair enough. But I do trust you, like you said, that you'll come back from this. That you'll be stronger and better than before."

"And if I'm not?"

"Okay, can you handle a little truth from me?"

"Maybe not. But I'll try to. I have to."

"All right. If you're not, than I guess what I'm trying to do is have faith that you and I will have been on a journey together. And if we come out in a different place than we thought, it'll be okay because we'll have been through this profound experience and we'll find our place on the other end of it. I know things aren't the same, right now, as they used to be. And parts of it...parts of you...may change and be different. But underneath it all, the essential you is still you and that's the person I love."

"Nicely said."

"Thank you."

"I've never needed anyone before. And I've never been afraid before, either. I don't know what to do with it."

"And I don't know what to say about it. Charlotte, I so badly want to say the right things, the things that will make this hurt a little less for you. But I don't know what they are..."

"Yeah. So that's about where we're at, I guess."

"Yeah. I guess. Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Maybe."

"You said there are other things, things that are worrying you. Can you tell me? What some of them are?"

"Baby steps, Coop. It's enough, for right now."

"So, what do we do?"

"We go in to work forty-five minutes early tomorrow. We see Sheldon. Together."

"Okay."

"And sometimes, we talk about it. And sometimes, we don't. Coop, I'm trying to do what Sheldon says, let you see, let you help. But you have to let me choose sometimes, not to."

"Okay. Whatever you need."

"I miss my daddy. And I'm craving something I shouldn't be, right now."

"What can I DO?"

"You can stop asking me that. Just let me talk when I need to tell you. And let me not, when I don't. Look, just me take me home, will you? Just need to sit and be quiet for awhile. Can you just take me home?"

He starts the car again. He looks thoughtful. And sad. She doesn't like that much. A part of her thinks it would have been easier to just keep smiling, so she never has to see him look at her like that. But then, she remembers that if she doesn't play ball and she loses him, he'll never look at her at all.

* * *

They get home, and she's shaky. Her mouth is dry and her hand's been drumming on the seat these last few minutes. She's craving, and it feels like a cymbal in her veins that's loud enough you can feel the vibrations from the noise. Coop's watching her, that pitying, judgy watching that drives her up the wall, and she can't help snapping.

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like I'm a victim. Or a mental patient."

"You look pale. Twitchy."

"You look like I want to smack you so you'll stop staring at me this way."

He looks like he's about to say something. But he stops, takes a deep breath. Coaching from Sheldon, she guesses. "All right," he says. "You're not feeling very well."

"Gee, what gave it away?"

"So I am going to ignore the snarky comments and go make us some food. Would you like to take a bath, maybe?"

"I'm not gonna tell you what I'd like to do. You wouldn't like it."

He takes that deep, patient breath again. "Well, would you settle for not doing whatever it is? And maybe having a nice, relaxing bath instead?"

She supposes that's better than standing here and stewing in this and fighting with Coop while she does it. She runs the bath. She's just settled in when Big Daddy pops in again.

"Geez! Privacy!"

"Oh come on, little girl, I used to change your diapers."

"You did not. We had nannies for that."

"Well, I paid the nannies. So I did it by proxy. I'm your daddy, baby girl. And right now, you need me to keep an eye on you."

"You better behave yourself."

"Ah yes, you have to report this back to your little shrink friend. Well, all right. I won't scare you again."

"Why did you, the last time?"

"Cause I'm supposed to be saying what you're thinking but are too scared to say yourself?"

The tears come, before she can stop them.

"Hey, he says."

She sniffles, wipes her face on a towel. "I don't want to be a crazy person."

"Now, you listen. Crazy would be going on trying not to deal with this. Me, being here? That's you, working this through. It's gonna hurt, baby girl. But you have to do it."

"Don't seem fair, does it? It's over. It's over, but it's not."

"I know."

"They don't tell you that after it's done...that the after is almost as bad as the rest of it."

"I know it, baby girl. They don't tell you. It ain't fair."

"Do you think I'll be all right, Big Daddy? In the end, do you think I'll be?"

"I think you'll find your way again. Might be a softer, gentler way than what it was before. But it'll be a good way, baby girl, because your boy is right. This happened. But other things happened to. And those made you also. You're you, under this, because those other things, they made you too."

"I just want to cry for awhile."

"Then cry. And if I might make a suggestion?"

"What?"

"What Naomi did, when you saw her at the hospital? It helps sometimes. Cry. Then let him hug you, if he wants. Clothes on, no touching skin, if you have to do it that way. But let him hug you, baby girl. You need a hug."

She cries. Then ducks under the water, lets the steam soothe her puffy face. When she's ready, she comes out and there is food and wine and she's suddenly starving, and she's stuffing half a loaf of Italian into her mouth before she can stop herself, and Coop's just standing there, watching. She swallows, and then she's crying again, and then she looks up at him with eyes so desperate she sees his breath hitch.

"I need a hug," she tells him. And then he has his arms around her, and she collapses into them and weeps.


	4. Chapter 4

_Note: I appreciate your comments! What makes fanfic so interesting is, we all have different interpretations, or we wouldn't have different stories, would we? We've seen on the show that Charlotte is comfortable with Sheldon, and I already wrote a fic on this with Violet, so I am exploring a different route. And we've seen too that Cooper has not been behaving perfectly. He'll get there, but, as they are on the show, I am exploring his NOT being there first :) If it's not your thing, no biggie. And if you're enjoying it, thanks for reading!_

Part 4

They curl up on the couch together, and he rocks her gently.

"Can I say?" he whispers. "I'm just really...I'm really grateful you're letting me touch you again."

"Shhh. Just sit."

"Okay, whatever you need. I..."

"Coop. Just, quiet. And sit."

So they sit, and he rocks her, and then she fidgets and settles again, with her head in his lap and his hands stroking her hair, gently brushing her cheek. He fidgets too, tries to ease her off his lap, but she burrows deeper, aching for the comfort.

"Char? Can I bring some food over?"

"Just, quiet," she says again. "Please, can we just..."

"Okay. Baby, it's okay..."

She needs sleep, dreamless sleep, and she has the desperate thought that she'll only get it if he's right there with her. He fidgets again, and she clings to him. He settles in, lets her sleep.

* * *

When she wakes up again, she's still on the couch, and she's stiff from the awkward position she slept in, but oddly refreshed. She looks up, and Cooper is smiling down at her, still stroking her hair.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey. What time is it?"

"Two a.m. And I'm starving and I really need to use the bathroom, so are you okay for a sec?"

She stretches, sits up. And rewards him with a true smile. "Hey. No dreams."

"That's good. That's good, right?"

"That's very good."

"Great. So...be back in a few, okay? You can move to the bed if you want to."

She nods, leaves him to his business. Says nothing about what's been going on with her father. Poor boy's done enough heavy lifting for one night.

She doesn't sleep again. Doesn't trust herself to. But she lies in bed with him, watches him for awhile. Then gets up and starts cleaning.

It's something to do. She heads to the bathroom first, scrubs down every surface. The smell of the cleaner makes her dizzy, but she pours it on even thicker, takes everything off of the surfaces, scrubs them down too. She empties the drawers, pours in the cleaner. Scrubs for all she's worth. Then she puts everything back, just so, and wonders what else she can do.

She goes to the kitchen, appraises her options, decides on a plan. First, she takes everything out of the fridge, snacks on a few of the more appealing bits and pieces as she works. Wipes down every shelf. Disinfects it. She breaks out the tupperware, slices every fruit and vegetable, puts them in the little boxes for easy grabbing. There's a pound of ground beef in there. She fries it, adds some peppers, adds some beans and some chili seasoning. Plops that into a tupperware container too. Then she spies a tub of ricotta cheese...

By the time Coop comes out in the morning, she's made lasagne and chicken with biscuits, and ham with eggs and bacon for the morning time. Also, a pan of chocolate chip muffins and two trays of peanut butter cookies.

Coop's looking at her with the crazy eyes again, and she hears the wariness in this voice when he speaks to her. "Morning, babe."

"Morning!"

"You want to tell me what this is about?"

"Making breakfast."

He opens the fridge, takes in row upon row of tupperware container. Looks back at her, and she can tell he's making little mental notes for Sheldon.

"Didn't know you were such a cook," he says.

"Half-raised two brothers, Coop. I picked up some skills."

"Apparently. So, um..."

"Look, stop it, will ya? Stop looking at me that way. Couldn't sleep is all. Thought I'd best keep busy. Would you rather I just lay there in bed with you, and think about it all?"

"Well, I guess I'd rather you'd have woken me up and just told me you were having trouble sleeping."

"But then you'd not be sleeping either. Seems a waste for both of us to..."

"No," he says. "That's what being here for you is, Charlotte."

"You're grumpy when you haven't been sleeping."

"So are you."

She shakes her head. "No. This is my problem. And I'm dealing with it. Coop, I'm dealing. As long as I just stay busy, I..."

He sighs. "I don't want to fight with you. Look, get ready, okay? We can head in and talk about this with Sheldon."

She puts the towel down, takes off her apron. "There's stuff out here needs putting away."

"I'll do it. Go, get ready."

She heads into the bathroom, and finds Big Daddy waiting. He's looking at the wet towel Cooper used, and the globs of water he dripped onto the carpet, and he's shaking his head. "That boy's sure a slob, ain't he?"

"Big Daddy!"

"Just saying. All that work you did, and does he appreciate?"

"That work I did is my deal, not his."

"Fair enough. Look, next time, just call for me, will you, baby girl? You want to let him get his sleep, that's fine, I'll keep you company. You shouldn't be alone."

"That's very generous."

"Just doing my part. My baby girl needs me, don't she?"

"Right now, your baby girl needs a shower. So, can you go? Don't really need company, for this one."

He shrugs. "Up to you." He inhales, as deeply as someone in his condition can inhale, and sighs. "Too bad, about me being dead and all, though. I always did enjoy your peanut butter cookies."

* * *

She comes out again, showered and dressed, and he's eating a bowl of cereal. She arches an eye. "You didn't want to eat my Crazy Food?"

He blushes, and she knows she's hit it straight on, but he says "Nah. Just felt like cereal."

"Liar."

"Look, can we save it for Sheldon? Please?"

She plucks a muffin from the nearly-cooled pan. "Knew I should have kept my mouth shut. Kept pretending."

"Charlotte..."

"No, it's fine. You have your cereal. I'll just be over here, enjoying my muffin. And smiling. Smiling real hard, cause everything's just ducky. That what you want to hear?"

"Look, can we please, please just save this for Sheldon?"

And Big Daddy is back again, and he's tut-tutting and patting her arm. "That boy has no spine, baby girl. No spine at all."

"Charlotte, you're scaring me," Cooper says. "Okay? You're scaring me so bad I'm just freaking out a little, and I don't want to say anything or do anything that might make it worse, so can we just not talk right now, and save it for Sheldon?"

"No spine," Big Daddy says.

She shrugs. "Like I said. I'm just smiling over here. I'm not saying anything at all."

* * *

They don't speak, on the drive in. He keeps his mouth shut and his eye on the road and doesn't even turn to look at her when they stop in traffic as they near the office. She sits there too, bites her lip, tries not to think about what she'd rather be doing right now. Tries not to feel hurt at the chill from his side of the car.

He does wait for her, when he gets out of the car, and they walk in together. But then he sees Sheldon and he marches over, starts talking really fast, pointing at her with large, frantic gestures. She stomps off to her office, closes the door, takes deep breaths and tries to collect herself.

A few minutes later, she hears a gentle knock, and Sheldon's voice. "Charlotte?"

But she doesn't quite have it together yet. Her heart's still beating too fast, and that thrum of panic, of craving, of misery, is gonging just a little too loud...

"Charlotte, I'm going to talk to Cooper for a few minutes, and then I'll come and get you. Will that be okay?"

"Piss off, Sheldon."

"Take some deep breaths, will you? Try and relax. I know this is hard for you, and I'm going to come and get you, and I'm going to help you. Just give me a few minutes to get Cooper squared away, and then I'll come back for you, Charlotte. I'll come back for you."

It's just noise, what he's saying. She tunes him out, and tries very hard to just breathe.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

She's better, when Sheldon comes back. Her breathing is calm again, and she's laying on her couch and playing Geography with Big Daddy.

"Arkansas," he says.

"Savannah."

"Hanoi."

"Indiana."

"Charlotte?" Sheldon calls.

"Alabama," she says to Big Daddy. "And we're done. All right, Sheldon, you can come in."

He opens the door, looks her up and down. "Feeling better?"

"Think so."

"Was I interrupting something?"

"Not really."

He sits down beside her, keeps his tone light and casual. "Just thought I heard some talking in here."

"Was whupping Big Daddy's ass in Geography. Just passing time."

"Ah. So he's back again."

"Comes and goes."

"And Cooper?"

"He comes and goes too. But that's not what you're asking."

"Just wondering if you followed my advice."

"Oh sure, that'll help right now. Hey, Coop, by the way, did I mention how my dead daddy thinks you're a spineless slob?"

"Well, I'm not sure I would approach it in quite those words."

"Not sure it needs approaching at all. Look, Sheldon, he can't handle this. I mean, clearly."

"He's learning how to. Charlotte, what you saw this morning was actually Cooper trying to do the right thing. It maybe didn't come off that way. But what he was trying to do was let you express yourself without any interference from him."

"Without any understanding, you mean."

"Without any reaction. He was trying to just let you do whatever it was you needed. And then he figured he'd work out what it meant when he got to his safe space, here with me."

"Felt like he wasn't handling it, Sheldon. And when he doesn't handle it, it makes me think he doesn't really want to know."

"Let's talk to him," Sheldon says. "Let's go and talk, Charlotte. This will help you. I promise you, it will."

"We'll see about that. In the meantime, you keep your mouth shut about Big Daddy, you hear me? You promised me."

"I know what I promised. Will you come with me, Charlotte? Will you talk to Cooper with me?"

What can she do? She follows Sheldon.

* * *

Cooper is looking calm again, and very apologetic.

"Hey, babe."

"Cooper."

"So, can we start with 'I'm sorry' and go from there?"

She sits, makes sure she isn't touching him. "Maybe."

"Aw, baby, come on..."

"No. You should have had the muffins, Coop. Should have had 'em."

"I'm sorry. You're right, and I'm sorry. I was just...I was scared, Charlotte. I don't always know what to do when I'm scared."

"I was scared too," she admits. "Scared to stop pretending for you. Scared you'd turn your back on me if you knew how turned around I really was. And then...you kinda did, a little bit. So..."

"I'm sorry. Char, I'm so, so sorry. I just need you to know that I probably won't always handle it perfectly, because I love you and I worry about you and I'm scared just like you are. But it doesn't mean I don't still want to know what's going on. And it doesn't mean we can't work through whatever it is."

"Hard for me to trust that," she says. "I'm fighting instinct here, Coop. My whole life, whenever there's been anything scary, I've pushed it down and put on the happy face. And I'm fighting instinct cause I know this is bigger than me, and I'm trying not to fall into those other habits I had the last time I was in a dark place. But it's hard. Harder still when what I'm getting back from you is, you'd rather it be the other way."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that! Coop, I've had enough talk, I need doing right now. I need you to stop looking at me all the time like you're sad and there's something wrong with me. I need to stay busy so I don't have time to sit there and think about how fucked I really am. And I need you to hold me and keep the dreams away and be my good man in the storm."

He looks at Sheldon. "Will it get better? At some point, eventually, will it get better?"

"It's early days yet. Cooper, she still has injuries. Bruises that haven't quite faded yet. And the man who did this is still out there, somewhere. He won't be, forever. He'll do this again, and they'll get him, I think. But he's out there. And she's still hurting. And it's early days yet."

"But will it get better?"

"After awhile, the dreams won't come as often. She'll sleep better, and that will make a world of difference. And you'll graduate from holding her to keep the dreams away to holding her for other things. It'll come, Cooper. But -I'm being honest for you, for both of you- it won't come fast, and it won't come easy."

"So, what do we do?"

"You let life go on as well as it can, I think. You go to work, you come home, you go to dinner. You come here and work with me, for awhile at least. And it'll get better. Slowly but surely, it'll get better."

"And if she does something else, like...like this morning?"

"You eat the muffins, Cooper. And you hold it together until you can get to me."

"What about Charlotte? What should she do?"

"Well, I've given her some homework already. We'll see how she does with it before I give her something else."

"Sheldon..."

"Give it time, Cooper. Both of you, you need to just give it time."

* * *

She occupies herself for the rest of the day with business, and stays out of Cooper's way. She runs over to the hospital for an hour at about 3 o'clock, and when she comes back to the practice, he's waiting in her office with this adorable, goofy smile.

"Baby."

"Coop."

"Will you go out with me tonight? Just dinner, pizza maybe, but I just...I want to start fresh with this, Char. I want to just relax and be with you and try and be that better man."

She's tired, bone-tired, from the talking as much as from anything else. But he's so earnest, she can't reject him. And she knows she has to stay busy, because her mind goes to scary places when she doesn't keep it occupied...

There's a small Italian place, candles, gentle music, tasteful wine. She must be more tired than she thinks, because she's faintly buzzed after only two glasses, and she feels like pudding, like she's just come out of a massage of a yoga class or something. She lets him put his hand on hers and gently stroke her fingers.

"I love you," he says.

"That's nice."

"Even with all of this, I...that's not coming out right. What I mean is, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. And we'll deal with this. And I love you so much."

"Geez, did you have to bring this up now?"

He frowns. "I said something nice. Didn't I?"

"Just...just thought we were having a moment that wasn't about all this, you know? And then you had to go and bring it up again..."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you've been saying that a lot. Look, a lot of things about this are hard for me, and not all of them are about what happened that night, with him. It's what happened after...like this, Sheldon, you. Us 'dealing' with this. You think I enjoy being everybody's special project?"

"No, I guess you don't."

"You think I enjoy having Addison and Violet and all these people who never much cared for me suddenly giving me the pity eyes and trying to be my friend cause they feel so sorry for me?"

He pulls his hand away.

"Look, a part of me is trying to manage, every minute of the day. It's focusing on staying busy so I don't think too hard, and on not screaming every time I have to touch someone. But another part of me just wants life to go on and not be about this anymore, you know? And I guess I thought that's the part that was having this dinner with you."

"You're right. Of course, you're right. And I'm sorry, I am."

"Look, just let me bring it up if I want to, okay? I said I'd work with you all on this. Said I'd try and open up. Just let me choose the moments."

"Got it."

"And stop apologizing, will you? Just relax a little, Coop, it's okay. Can you just relax with me?"

He gulps, then nods and takes her hand again. That's progress, for one day.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

It's when they're in bed again that her brain slows down again and she starts feeling nervy. There's something about lying down and feeling those blankets close in around her that makes her want to thrash and run. And Cooper, lying there so near...

"Coop?"

"Yeah, baby."

"Right now, I do feel like talking."

He is instantly attentive. "Yes. Anything you need."

"Just...feeling a little confined right now. All these blankets. Makes me a little antsy, I guess."

He leans over, pulls the blankets away a little.

"It's too quiet. I can't be busy in here. And when I'm not busy...when all I have to do is think...I don't think I can sleep like this, Coop. Not tonight, not right now. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep."

"What can I do?" he says.

"Nothing. It's why I didn't want to tell you. Nothing you can do except know it now, and let it eat away at you too..."

"Oh, sweetie..."

"It's not just pictures, either, the flashback thing. It's sounds. Feelings. And at night, it's closer. Me, spread out. Him, on top. That fist, that fist..."

He reaches out his hand, and she squeezes it. It helps, a little. Only a little. But it's a start.

"Coop, how am I gonna sleep?" she asks.

"I love you," he says. "It's all I can think of to say right now."

She can't think of anything to say either. She just grits her teeth, keeps her hand on his and endures, until she hears his breathing soften. She waits until he's fully asleep. Then she calls out softly.

"All right. Come out, if you're gonna."

And there he is. He's brought with him that old recliner from the office he had in her childhood home, and it pops into place underneath him as he makes himself comfortable in the corner of the bedroom. He's smoking a cigar, and has to stifle a cough at the smell of it.

"Damn, Big Daddy. That's a nasty habit."

"Don't I know it. Gave me the cancer, you know."

"Chickens, coming home to roost."

"Oh, is that what this is about? You thinking some of this business is your chickens, baby girl?"

"Hell of a big chicken, given what my sins in life have been."

"That it is, darling, that it is. Course, I already told you, this ain't about any of that. This ain't chickens, baby girl, it's just bad place, bad time, bad luck and nothing more."

"And you, coming back like this? That a bad place too?"

"Ah, right, the crazy. You still worrying about that?"

"Like I told Coop. Lot of things I'm worrying about these days."

"Well, I can go, if you'd like. Although, I do want to to point out, you called me."

"Just said come out if you were gonna. Not like I hoped you would, necessarily."

"I beg to differ, baby girl. But I'll let you have this round. Now, I believe the last one you gave me was Alabama. So I come back with Alaska, and let's see where you go from there."

"Altoona."

"And I come back with Alhambra, so that's another A for you."

"Athens."

"Sao Paulo."

"Oakland," she says. "And I don't wanna to play anymore."

"So, counting sheep would be a better way?"

"Oh, fine. Let's go with Oakland, then."

She falls asleep while he's somewhere in Africa, following up on 'Dar As Salaam' with a rambling tale from his days in the peace corps. When the nightmares finally rouse her later, he's gone, and so is Cooper. She jolts awake with a scream, and there's nobody there to stop her when she thrashes at the bedsheet, and cries out.

* * *

He comes out of the shower, and she's still lying there, beating her fists against the pillows, still whimpering a little, trying to get her breath again. He runs over, still dripping water, and tries to gather her into his arms.

"What happened?"

She sniffles, tries to compose herself. "What do you think?"

"Baby, I'm sorry. When I got up, you were sleeping, and I wanted to just let you rest..."

She takes a deep, gulping breath and steadies herself. "Yeah. Guess you can't leave me, Coop. Not while I'm sleeping. Next time, you wake me first."

"Okay."

"Look, can you take your hand away? Just, please don't touch me right now..."

He springs away as if he's been stung, and she props herself up, still fighting back the tears a little. "Okay. I need space for a second. Just...wait..."

She closes her eyes, focuses on her breathing. Her skin feels electric, like everything that touches it is charged somehow. Even the feel of the sheets, of the clothes rubbing up against her skin as she moves, feels somehow abrasive and damaging. She's too sensitized. It's overwhelming...

"Coop. Take the sheets off the bed."

He does it, without questioning, and she feels her panic go down a notch.

"Okay. Now, take off my socks."

Again, he complies without question. Again, she feels lighter.

After a moment, she opens her eyes. "Okay. I need a shower."

"Did you...did you want to tell me what all of that was about?"

"Just didn't want stuff ON me, just then. That okay?"

"Yes..."

"So, I'm gonna have a shower. There's fixings for breakfast, in the fridge."

She leaves him to his own preparations for the day. And she makes hers. "Montana," she whispers as she climbs into the shower. There is no answer back. So, she has won, she guesses. Yippee.

* * *

Sheldon is there when they get to the office, but he lets them find him. She appreciates that about Sheldon, that he doesn't just spring out at her like some of the others do when they try to 'help' her.

She turns to Cooper. "Can I go in first today?"

He frowns. "Why? Something going on that you don't want to tell me?"

"I get to choose, telling or not. You agreed to that."

"Yes, but..."

"No. I go in first today. You wait. He'll come and get you."

"Charlotte..."

"I go in first, Coop."

She goes in, shuts the door a little too deliberately, peeks out to see that Cooper has gone away. Sheldon doesn't comment on this.

"Good morning," he says.

"Morning."

"We starting just us, this time?"

"Uh huh. I need some clarification, before Coop comes in, on the situation with Big Daddy."

"All right."

"He let me win, first of all."

"Let you win at what, Charlotte?"

"At Geography. Big Daddy's never been the type to let me win, Sheldon. If even he's feeling sorry for me right now..."

"All right, let's back up for a second. Charlotte, you do realize that he didn't 'let' you win, because he's not actually here, don't you?"

"You start talking to me like I'm crazy and I'm gonna smack you, Sheldon."

"We already covered that one, but it sounds like you need some reminding. What we have here is a coping mechanism, Charlotte, and it's something you're actually doing yourself. It's important that you understand that."

"He's brought a chair with him. From his office, back home. Like he plans on staying."

"As I said, that is up to you. He feels real, doesn't he? Just like the nightmares feel real, when they're happening?"

"Hell yeah, he feels real. I mean, he's not, I know he's not. But..."

"But he's a person who comforts you. Someone you can lean on when you feel like you can't lean on Cooper. Right?"

"He stayed up with me last night, when I couldn't sleep. We played Geography."

"All right. So, next time, that's something you can ask Cooper to do."

"What, just tell him 'Coop, I need you to stay up for awhile and play Geography with me?'"

"If that's what it takes to get you sleeping, then yes. That is exactly what you tell him. This is something you're doing yourself here, Charlotte, remember? It's a safer way your mind has found to ask for what it needs. It's giving you clues, for how you can move ahead with this."

"Do I...do I have to tell him where it's coming from? The whole Big Daddy thing?"

"That's up to you."

"Are you gonna get him now?"

"Anything else you want to tell me first?"

She shakes her head, and Sheldon leaves her. She enjoys the silence for a second before her busy brain takes over and she starts imagining how she's gonna spin this to Coop when all is said and done.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

Cooper talks a blue streak, and all she can do is sit there and try to keep up. Why do all these people in her world love talking so much? When she feels her anxiety climbing, all she wants to do is crawl into a hole, but Cooper seems to want to jump straight out of whatever hole he gets into, and then pull Sheldon over to come and look at it.

"And the hardest thing," he's saying. "Is that I don't know what to do, and it's driving me mental. I mean, I always know what to do. I'm a doctor, right? So there's always a test or a procedure, or an...an action. And with this, it's like there's something there, but there isn't anything I can do with it..."

"That's a very common feeling," Sheldon says. "Would it comfort you, if you knew that Charlotte didn't always know what to do either?"

"Well, does she sometimes know?"

"Well, Charlotte?" Sheldon says. "Do you?"

It's a prompt, to tell Coop what's been really going on, but she just can't bring herself to do it. The best she can manage is a shrug and a small nod. "Sometimes."

"So, when you do know, can you tell me? Like, if there really is something..."

"But I did today, Coop. Told you I didn't want stuff touching me, and you moved it away."

"Okay," he says. "More like that, please. When there's something to do, can you let me help you?"

"But Coop," she says. "Part of this is me needing to do for myself sometimes too, you get me? You're not always there, for one thing..."

He winces. "I'm so sorry about that."

"That's not what I meant. I mean at work, or out, or, heck, I don't know. Just can't be with you twenty-four seven. And if I have a moment of stress, I have to deal with it. Have to know that I can do for myself."

"But when I'm there, I can do for you, a little. I just really need to feel like there's something I can do..."

She sighs, throws him a bone. "Geography."

"What?"

"I've never been a great sleeper, and counting sheep never did it for me. So my daddy used to sit with me before I fell asleep, and play Geography."

"What, like naming state capitols?"

"No. You start with someplace. A town or a city or country or something. And the last letter of the one you say becomes the first letter of the next one."

"So, Los Angeles."

"Okay, that gives me an S. Sarasota."

"Arizona."

"A for me. Austria."

"Does A always come up this much?"

"Yes. And no spending your lunch break going on Wikipedia looking all of them up, Coop, you play this honest based on your own real skill."

"Fair enough. So, that's my homework? Play Geography in bed tonight?"

"Sounds like it," Sheldon affirms.

"And her?"

"She still hasn't done the one I gave her last time."

"Sheldon!"

"Well, you haven't. All right, you did give him Geography, but even so. You have some other things to tell him, don't you?"

"This is a slippery slope you're going down, mister."

"I'm not the one going down it. Do what I tell you, Charlotte. It'll help, it really will."

"Fine. So, are we done? Can I go now?"

She stalks out before he answers, locks herself in her office. Doesn't come out for the rest of the morning.

* * *

Big Daddy is waiting for her, when she gets to the hospital later. She has to stifle a groan when she walks in there and sees him, sprawled grandly in her desk chair and puffing away on a cigar.

"You again!"

"Hey, baby girl."

"I thought we were done with this."

"Well, we can be. You heard what your boy Sheldon said, baby girl, this is all on you."

"And yet, you're still bothering me."

"I'm bothering you because you don't yet have the faith. He's your man in the storm, baby girl, and until you believe that..."

"So, that's all I have to do? Believe?"

"Ain't that always been the way?"

She blows out a breath, kicks the chair as she walks past him. "Well, fine, I believe- for now, anyway. Now, leave, so I can get done my work."

He bows grandly, winks out of there. And leaves her thinking. Does she believe? Is she ready to let go of this crutch she's conjured up and trust Cooper -really trust him- to be her man in the storm?

* * *

She tests him, going home. She can't help herself. "Atlanta," she says.

He whirls, his hand just about to turn the key in the ignition. "What?"

"Austria was the last one. That gives me an A. So, Atlanta."

He frowns. "I thought this was a bedtime thing."

"I'm giving you a practice round. Atlanta, Coop. That gives you another A."

"All right. Um, America?"

She shakes her head. "No continents."

"Okay...Arkansas?"

She feels her body go suddenly cold. "No. You can't use that one."

"Why not?"

"It's been used already. Pick another."

"Used already by whom? Char, we only just started..."

"Pick another," she insists. She's feeling that thrum again, that hiss of panic, that creep of out-of-control bubbling up again, and she doesn't know why...

He takes his hand off the key, turns and looks at her. Really looks. "Charlotte?"

"Pick another," she says. "Damn it, Coop!"

"Astoria. Now, will you tell me? Why that freaked you out so much?"

"Didn't freak me out, just that's been used already!"

"When?"

"Other night."

"By whom?"

And she's tired, so tired of the talking and the pretending, and of being hounded on this, so she says it. "Big Daddy, okay? Sat up with me the other night, my dead daddy did, and played Geography with me, and he used that one already, so you can't use it anymore!"

He nods, lets this revelation sink in for a moment. Then he says "All right. Astoria, then."

She squints, searching his face for signs of that look he has when he thinks she's crazy. "That all you're gonna say about it?"

"What else did you want me to say? I mean, obviously, it's some sort of coping mechanism, and if it worked for you in that moment, then I'm glad it gave you comfort."

"Just...Coop, I'm feeling like I need a lot of comfort right now. And I'm not real comfortable with needing that. And I'm not real sure just what it is that's gonna give it to me."

"So you're trying to call to mind whatever's comforted you in the past. It's only natural."

"Is it?"

"You're not the only one who's been learning from Sheldon. Look, you need to feel safe right now. I get that, I do. I wish...I wish he really could be there for you, if that would help you. And since he can't...well, I'm just hoping I'll be up for the job. I think, if you let me, I will be..."

"You and Sheldon, you both talk about this like this is somehow up to me."

"Isn't it?"

She sighs. "Guess it has to be. Fine, then. Astoria. I'll have an A, when we pick this up later."

"I love you, Charlotte."

She sighs again. "Yeah. So you keep saying."


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

By the time she gets home, she's edgy again. A half-block from their building, they hit a patch of road work, and the line of rattling jackhammers snakes straight up to their front door. It's like gunfire. She jumps at every shot.

"Babe?" Cooper says.

He waits until they're home, inside, the door closed behind them, before he tries speaking again.

"Char?"

He watches her for a second as she takes in the silence with a grateful sigh. Then it starts up again, and she finds herself doubling over, her hands covering her ears, flinching every time she hears a bang...

He comes up behind her, starts rubbing his hand on her back in gentle circles.

"Charlotte. You're okay. It's okay..."

But it's not okay. She's in that hyper-aware, hyper-sensitive zone again, like she was after the nightmare. There is the explosive crash of the jackhammers battering down on her, and there is her heart, beating much too loud and fast on top of it. And there is the friction of Cooper's hands as he tries to comfort her, his fingers up against her clothes, leaving traces of energy behind that almost burn. And then there is the pressure of her own hands pressing up against her ears as she tries to block it all...

She ducks out from under him, scrunches shut her eyes, tries to focus.

"Char?" He sounds worried now, and she hears the clomp of his shoes as she steps closer.

"Char, Come on, baby, stay with me, it's okay, it's all okay..."

The jackhammer stops, then starts up again, and she jumps, then bangs her knee into the coffee table.

"Stop saying that!" she snaps.

"Babe?"

"No! It's not okay. It's not, Coop, it's not. Say you're here for me, if you want to say something, but don't you ever tell me it's okay, it's not, it's not..."

And she tries to get up again, but her knee crumples when she tests it with her weight, and the pain, in this hyper-sensitive state, is excruciating. She manages a single whimper before the dam at last breaks and she collapses, fighting pain and panic and tears. He catches her, tries holding onto her, but she flinches, then kicks him away.

So he sits down on the floor beside her and holds out his hand. And waits for her until she's calm enough again to see that it's there and reach for it herself.

* * *

When she's quieter, he tries pulling her close, but she can't quite go there yet. She drops her hand, scoots back, rests on her heels with her back against the wall.

"Can I tell you?" she asks him. She's sniffling away the last of the tears, not quite sure they won't start up again if he touches her any more than he is. "Can you just stay over there a little and let me tell you?"

"Yes."

"Just still feels loud in here. It feels loud, and I banged my knee, and I just don't want anything touching me right now."

"Okay. That's fine, baby, it's okay..."

"Need you not to say that, also. Cause it's kinda not. You get that, right?"

And then he sounds like he's almost crying too. "Oh, sweetie..."

"That isn't helping. I guess it's not your fault, and I guess I need to start dealing with you having feelings in this too, but Coop, it's so hard hearing you sound so damned sorry all the time. Guess sometimes, I feel like I'd say anything, or do anything, not to hear it."

"And when you do that," he says. "When I feel you pulling away, it just makes that sorry come out more. Cause I see it anyway, and I know what it's doing to you."

"Yeah. So, how do we get around this, Coop?"

"I guess we accept that sometimes both of us are just going to be hurting. And part of getting through this together -really together- is going to be each of seeing that, and just letting it be."

"Can you just...can you be sorry later? Can it be, but not right this second? Cause I still feel like I'm hanging on by a thread here, Coop, and I need you to pull me out of this."

The jackhammer starts up again and she jumps, her head banging into the back of the wall. "Damn it!"

"Okay, okay. Shhhh, I'm here, baby, I'm here..."

"I can't be here right now. Coop, you have to take me someplace else, because I can't be here..."

And she's crying again, before she can stop herself. He picks her up and carries her out to the car without another word.

* * *

She sleeps on the way to wherever he's taking her. Her senses are the first part to wake up again. There's a blanket underneath her, and her feet are bare and cold. There is sound here too, but it's a rhythmic, natural sound. Soothing, for all its power. Primal, somehow.

She opens her eyes, and she's on the beach. Her feet dangle off the side of the blanket into the cool, packed sand and she has her head in Cooper's lap. He's stroking her hair, so gently she almost doesn't feel it, and looking down at her with a tenderness that for the first time is free of pity and fear.

He sees that she's awake, and he smiles gently and pulls his hand away. "You look so peaceful here," he says."

"Where...where are we, Coop?"

"The beach."

"So I gather. But...where?"

"Sam and Addison's. I told him we had some noise to get away from, and he offered us his place -or hers, if you'd rather- for as many nights as we need. They stay together most nights anyway, so..."

"I like it here. Coop, if we buy a place, we should buy one here. By the ocean."

"Oh yeah? It'll be colder here. Waves bring weather with them."

"Well, yeah. But I have you to be my good man in the storm."

"That you do, babe. That you do. So, game plan?"

"Let's just sit for awhile. Hold me like this."

"Can you...can you hold me back, a little?"

He holds out his hand, and she takes it this time. Lets her fingers wrap around his palm.

"This isn't so bad," she says. She takes a deep breath, inhales that fresh, ocean scent. "Coop, I can do this. Maybe just right here, right now, but I can."

He breathes in too. "Auckland," he says after a moment.

"What?"

"Astoria was the last one. Ends in A. So, now, I'm giving you Auckland."

"Delaware."

"Europe."

"That's a continent, Coop. You can't play continents. And you had two turns."

"Oh. I did?"

"Astoria, and then Auckland. Both of those were yours."

"Well, you pick the A than."

She thinks for a moment, frowns. "I would've picked Auckland, though."

"Fine. Auckland. So, I get a D and I choose Delaware. Which leaves the E for you."

"Enough," she says. "E is for enough. This is good right now, us, here. Don't need games. Let's just sit for awhile."

They settle in, and after a few minutes, she's quiet, utterly hypnotized by the soothing, rocking motion of the waves. They are too close to the shoreline. Tendrils of ocean dip toward her feet, like hands reaching up from the earth for comfort.

Like Big Daddy's hands. Waving goodbye.

The end


End file.
